The Truth
I am sitting here tonight over thinking everything that has been going on in my short-lived life. A mug of hot chocolate in hand, an April playlist playing thanks to 8tracks and a truckload of homework and projects surrrounding me. Going over things that have happend within the past month-hell even the past year.
Family fights, friend conflicts, procrastinating homework till the last second, low self-esteem and lastly self doubt. Wondering what has put me in this situation, I try to blame others but I know that's not what's wrong. I can't help it though. I am hard on myself. I am mean and poke at my own insecurities. I tell myself I'm not good enough for others and constantly try to climb mountains that were just never there.
I am drowning from trying to be someone else's image of perfect. But the reality is I will never be everyone's vision of perfection. So why bother trying?
Let me tell you who I am. I am stubborn and sassy. I speak before I think. I can be sweet like sugar if I want to be, but I loose my temper and tend to over react to every situation. I cannot sing. I cannot draw. I pretend as if I can dance when we all know I can't. I've been told I'm emotional and dramatic my whole life. People who I thought would be my friends forever, left. But I try to stay strong no matter what. I love the sounds of the waves crashing at the beach and the feeling of sand beneath my feet. I love the smell of Christmas trees and the sound of breezes throughout a forrest. More often than not, I wish I wasn't these things.
So here is the truth about Jessica Marie Martin. I am not where I wish I could be. I wish I had answers to all my questions. I wish I understood the world around me. I wish I could be more patient, more carefree, more fit. I wish I could be like the girl next to me..
I wish I was more, but I'm not. I am me. I am far from perfect, but I am not a mistake. Not one part of me was an accident. I am a girl who is loved by people who surround her. I am loved by God.
There are days where I will question why he created me like this. I may break down and doubt his motives, but there are reasons for our differences. So we must stop trying to be the same. Stop trying to be like the person next to you because you are enough. Afterall you are you, and to me that is perfect.
xoxo,
Jessica
Family fights, friend conflicts, procrastinating homework till the last second, low self-esteem and lastly self doubt. Wondering what has put me in this situation, I try to blame others but I know that's not what's wrong. I can't help it though. I am hard on myself. I am mean and poke at my own insecurities. I tell myself I'm not good enough for others and constantly try to climb mountains that were just never there.
I am drowning from trying to be someone else's image of perfect. But the reality is I will never be everyone's vision of perfection. So why bother trying?
Let me tell you who I am. I am stubborn and sassy. I speak before I think. I can be sweet like sugar if I want to be, but I loose my temper and tend to over react to every situation. I cannot sing. I cannot draw. I pretend as if I can dance when we all know I can't. I've been told I'm emotional and dramatic my whole life. People who I thought would be my friends forever, left. But I try to stay strong no matter what. I love the sounds of the waves crashing at the beach and the feeling of sand beneath my feet. I love the smell of Christmas trees and the sound of breezes throughout a forrest. More often than not, I wish I wasn't these things.
So here is the truth about Jessica Marie Martin. I am not where I wish I could be. I wish I had answers to all my questions. I wish I understood the world around me. I wish I could be more patient, more carefree, more fit. I wish I could be like the girl next to me..
I wish I was more, but I'm not. I am me. I am far from perfect, but I am not a mistake. Not one part of me was an accident. I am a girl who is loved by people who surround her. I am loved by God.
There are days where I will question why he created me like this. I may break down and doubt his motives, but there are reasons for our differences. So we must stop trying to be the same. Stop trying to be like the person next to you because you are enough. Afterall you are you, and to me that is perfect.
xoxo,
Jessica
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